i lost 60 lbs the healthy way and i gained so much back. you don’t understand I just filmed my body to see what it looks like on video, and I want to throw the fuck up i’m so disgusting. literally I was SO TINY A YEAR AGO. SOOO TINY. and i didn’t realize at the time, but looking back, I was. I am fucking huge again. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN. I am about to literally just throw this all away and fucking not eat because summer is here and i can’t stop bawling and i want to just throw up all my tears this hurts so much. 

do you know what it’s like to inspire so many people, to be comfortable with yourself, take pictures care free, feel good in a bikini, go shopping and buying WHATEVER you want and LOVING every moment of your life and then……………to fucking be miserable, hate yourself, have to go up 192031 sizes in jeans, hide your body, and literally want to burn all the fat off.

i don’t want to do this the unhealthy way. i never have and i don’t want to start i just don’t know what to do. like “just wait for it to happen you did it once and you can do it again”

i’m a junior in high school. being fat doesn’t fucking work.

i hate chemistry

my teacher is a fucking cunt

and i’m so done with everything.

I feel myself losing weight

I don’t know if just a mental thing because I’ve been working out and i’ve felt more confident.. or if I actually am

this is the first time in 6 months where i feel the same amount of motivation that i did two years ago

i’m GOING to get skinny again. i’m going to be SKINNY but most importantly i’m going to be HAPPY. :)

intake for today

• egg whites and weight watchers cheese (2 points)
• half apple black coffee and green tea (0)
• three crackers (2 points)
• frozen yogurt (3 points)
• orange and apple (0)
• 8 oz yogurt (only 90 calories) (2 points)
• egg whites and cheese and coffee (2 points)
• frozen yogurt (5 points)
• almond milk (1/2 cup, unsweeted) 0/1 point
• special k (3 points)

exercise-

zumba (1 hour class)

about 22 or 21 points today. and more green tea and coffee :)

kind of repetitive but

i ate too much today

• egg whites and ww cheese (2 points)
• like very little chicken and peppers (idk i said 7 bc sauce)
• salad with olive oil and almonds (like half a plate full)
• a piece of bread and broccoli
• cashews
• froyo (kinda a lot)

idk i didn’t eat as much obviously as everyone else. there was cheese cake, coconut, italian ice, cookies, candy, steak, penne vodka

but i still had a lot idk. people around me were eating 10x my amount though :)